TMNT: Book Covers
by Leenden
Summary: Raphael has always had a deep dark secret. Something that made him feel like an outsider among his brothers and Sensei. He'd rather hide it than deal with it. That all changes when he steps in to help a young man name Li Jing, who is being menaced by members of the Purple Dragon Gang.
1. Chapter 1: Everybody's Kung Fu Fighting

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Book Covers

By Jeremy McLaughlin

Chapter One:

Everybody's Kung Fu Fighting

A cold wind blew through the deserted streets. With the exception of a car passing by periodically, it was completely dead. It wasn't surprising by how brisk it was tonight. It's was colder than usual for this time of year. September in New York was often the best time to visit, or so the newspapers, magazines, and television would say. For residents that lived there, it was just another cold day in the Big Apple. So cold that it felt as if snow was threatening to fall at any moment. It was dark too, as if the moon and the stars were just big light bulbs that all burned out all at once, casting the world into an abyss of darkness. The street lights did little to combat the dark.

A lone figure stood huddled against the cold under the street light, like a stranger trying to find shelter in a strange land. The figures features were well masked by a brown Fedora and a long tan trench coat. A wisp of breath escaped from the shadowy gap made from the brim of the hat and the turned up collar of the coat. Keen green eyes traced along the streets as if the figure were waiting for something.

"Welp, three more minutes and the pizza guys gonna get it." The man's Brooklyn accent was harsh and a little nasally.

How hard is to find the corner of Elm and 352nd street? The figure's thoughts were pulled away by the sounds of shouting coming from a near by alley. His first thought was to not get involved. The pizza would be here soon and he could go back to his family and eat in peace. It wasn't until he heard one of the voices call for help. A young man, or an older woman. It was hard to tell even in the quiet evening, but the figure knew he had to do something.

When the figure rounded the corner there were five gang members, shifting into fighting stances around a lone unarmed boy. Couldn't be older than fifteen, the figure noted. The Gang members were flying the purple dragon colors. A second rate martial art group that made a name for themselves harassing the citizen of New York.

One of the thugs managed a good hit on the young man, causing him to clutch his face and cower under the only street light in the whole alley. He looked like he was waiting for an opportune moment to to make a break for it. There was no more time to spare, the gang members started circling their prey. The trench coat and Fedora went flying as the figure disappeared in the ample shadows of the alley.

The young man spat a red line from his blood smeared lip. "You punks don't know what you are getting yourself into, it would be best for you to get the hell out of here before my father gets here."

"Oh no! What's daddy gonna do, put us in a corner?" A weaselly looking thug chortled as he combed his pompadour.

"You have been warned!" The youth said, standing tall, or as tall as he could, an estimated five feet.

The five thugs burst into a clatter of laughter, before they moved in for the attack. A large gang member shifted first doing a round house kick. Instead of the satisfying slap of his foot hitting the young man's face, there was a solid stop that jarred his whole body. It was clear from the look on the thug's face, that he wasn't expecting to see a giant turtle gripping his ankle. Green eyes tucked under a red mask, stared back at him.

"Ya know, it's dicks like you that give New York a bad name." The turtle pushed hard, sending the thug spinning backwards, fighting to remain on his feet.

Around him the other gang members gawked and whispered amongst themselves. Even the young man seemed shaken by this sudden and strange intrusion of a mutant turtle. The giant turtle didn't seem to mind, he kept his threatening posture as he shifted from one leg to the other.

Weaselly stepped forward. "Who...what the hell are you?" His voice revealing his cowardice nature.

"Oh man, I'm always forgetting my manners. The name's Raph, I'm what you would call a turtle, of the mutant variety. I graduated from the school of Hard Knocks, with a degree in Ninjitsu. But you can call me the turtle that's goin' kick your ass." Raph spun on the ball of his foot, impossibly fast and precise.

Raph's foot hammered Weaselly in the chest, sending him sprawling away. The thug hit the ground and rolled before coming to a stop in a fetal position gasping and retching. The other gang members stared in disbelief and then at each other. It wasn't hard for Raph to see that they were mentally psyching themselves up. Like clock work the other gang members had made their decision, gathering around he and the young man, posing for the attack. The turtle pushed his shell to the young man's back and looked at him from over his shoulder.

"Alright kid, what's yer name?" Raph was sizing up the two thugs that were putting on a ridiculous dance of kicks and punches, showing off their martial prowess.

"Li Jing." The young man said, his voice was cool and calm.

"Cool, Li all I need you to do is watch my back. Let me know if anyone's gettin' close." Raph took a defensive fighting stance as one of the gang members started dancing closer.

"They will not get close to you," Li Jing said, his composed accent was pretty, in a feminine way.

"Well I appreciate it, but don't go being a hero or anything. I don't want your death on my conscience." Raph smirked at the boy's moxie.

"They will not touch you." Was the last thing he said.

The turtle looked over his shoulder, to see Li Jing shifting around one of the thugs. He moved like water, rolling in a loose motion around a few jabs from another thug. Then just like the ocean at high tide, Li Jing revealed his strength. The youth caught a clumsy punch thrown by one of the thugs. He used the thugs momentum to roll, planting his back firmly into the side of the thug. His speed, incredible, adding to the force of a heavy elbow into the thug's ribs. Raph could almost hear them shattering under the power. Despite how fast Li Jing moved, Raph followed his every motion as if he were watching an action movie.

Even with the black eye and the bloody lip, the young man was handsome. Almost beautiful in a feminine way, no doubt brought on by his youth. His gelled black hair, lay around his young face messily. Li Jing's almond shaped eyes were dark brown, keen, and carried as much mystery as his fists carried power. Raph gauged the boy weighing maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet. It was hard to tell though, because he was dressed in a dapper looking school uniform style suit.

Li Jing dropped low, bringing a well timed punch through the another thug's defenses, hammering hard into the side of his knee. Raph watched the thug's knee bend sideways. A way it shouldn't be able to bend. If the punch hadn't dislocate the knee, then at least it tore the tendons, making it impossible for the thug recover quickly.

Li Jing didn't stop, he was already on his feet delivering a final jumping uppercut to the tall thug with the broken ribs. The punch was so solid that the thug was launched a few inches off the ground and down onto his back. The whole display had only taken a few seconds, but that was long enough for Raph to take it all in.

This kid has it all. Power, style, and was very easy on the eyes. Li Jing's badass display caused a stir deep down inside. It wasn't a feeling he'd ever experienced. While Raph was trying to work through this new mental glitch, his thoughts were shattered by a heavy punch to the side of his face. In his desperation to watch the young man fight, he'd forgotten that he had his own pair of thugs waiting for a pummeling.

This shouldn't be too difficult, Raph thought, giving a wicked grin to the thug who had managed to land a punch. The thug was smiling, cocky and self assured. Just as Raph liked them to feel, before he wrecked their whole world. Raph's squat figure didn't look like he would be able to move as fast as it was capable of. The thug didn't even see the one two punch coming. A strong left to the side of the face, setting up the finale in the form of a right hand punch. There it was, solid enough to break the thug's nose, sending a shower of blood down onto the dirty cement.

The last thug standing threw up his hands. "Screw this!" He screamed as he scurried off down the alley at break neck speed.

The adrenaline was pumping in Raph's ears, making it almost impossible to hear Li Jing's question. "Are you alright?"

"Huh?" Raph turned to the young man, who was checking the pulses of the two thugs, he had subdued. Raph smiled at this. Not only was Li Jing a stone cold badass, but a compassionate one at that. A very handsome, compassionate, badass. The words lingered in Raph's mind.

"I asked if you were alright, you took a solid punch back there." Li Jing put a finger to the side of his head as if Raph needed the clarification.

Raph touched his cheek, it was warm and swollen, but he'd had much worse in his life. "Nah I'm good. I should ask you the same question." Raph motioned one large finger to his eye.

Li Jing stood up touching his eyes, wincing at the surprising pain. "Oh this, it's a beauty mark, nothing more."

"Yeah, like you need the help with that." Raph's face contorted at his own shocking statement. Why would you say that?

"Uhm, yeah. If you say so." Li Jing chuckled and wiped his hands on his gray dress pants.

Idiot! Raph had to stop himself from facepalming. "I must have been hit harder than I thought."

Li Jing opened his mouth to speak, when he was interrupted by a sleek black car pulling up behind him. The sounds of the tires grinding dirt, filled the alleyway. The head lights shone brightly in Raph's face. He reached up an arm, trying to shield the light away from his eyes. Trying to get a look at who had pulled up. If it was another attacker, Raph wanted to be ready for it. Instead he felt something being forced into his midsection by someone. His gaze finding Li Jing smiling up at him from under his arm. He was trying to give Raph his coat, so he could cover up.

"I will deal with my father. Just put your trench coat and hat back on and disappear." The young man's voice was warmer than it had been previously. The tone was sweet and welcoming to Raph's ears.

"But wait, will I see you again?" Raph asked, before he could stop himself.

One of the doors on the car opened and a stern voice called out. "Li Jing, what is happening? What is that thing?"

"Not likely. Now go Raph." Li Jing turned away. "I'm fine father, some thugs attacked me, but my new friend came to my aid."

"Get away from it. It looks sick. It might be contagious." The harsh words stung, to the point that Raph winced.

Raph pull his hat and trench coat on faster than he'd lost them earlier. Then he disappeared into the shadows, wanting to get away from anything else that man had to say. He pressed his back against the wall in the dark corner.

Raph could hear Li Jing say. "No father, he saved my life."

"You tell him, kid." Raph darted away from his hiding spot.

When Raph stepped out of the alleyway, the pizza delivery guy was waiting by the stop light. Nervously he craned his neck around, checking his watch a total of three times in the span of time it took Raph to round the corner and approach him. The pizza man was a sitcom stereotype to say the least. Pimple ridden, orange curly hair, thick black glasses. Not that Raph really gave a crap what he looked like, as long as the schmo had the pizza, that's all that mattered.

"Are you Raph Turtle?" The man asked, his voice squelched and cracked.

"Yeah, how much do I owe you?" Raph asked, reaching into his coat pocket, feeling a wad of dollar bills.

"Fifteen dollars." The pizza guy's voice was irritatingly nervous.

"Here, keep the change." Raph took the pizza and forked over a wad of money.

The pizza guy didn't even count the money. He just shoved it into his fanny pack, and sped away on his scooter. Raph smirked, glad that the kid hadn't decided to count the money, because he had been two dollars short.


	2. Chapter 2: Only Words

Chapter Two:

Only Words

It seemed that the voices carried better in the sewers than usual tonight, Raph pondered as he picked at his pizza. Each time he managed to slip back into his thoughts, he was interrupted by the horsing around of his three brothers. Donatello was rambling on about something he was working on, or had completed. Raph hadn't cared enough to figure out which it was. Michelangelo was running off at the mouth about some new show he'd watched on television. Raph tuned him out after the first recycled joke the show had used. Leonardo was the only other one at the table that wasn't really talking, instead he was just listening to the other two. Offering his own bland insight about whatever dumb subject they were discussing.

Raph found himself thinking about the young man from before, Li Jing. Not why he was alone in the alley, but rather why did this young man left such a mark on him. Every time Raph closed his eyes, the boy was there. Not the stunning martial arts master the boy was, but the attractive waif of a boy. The young effeminate doe-eyed boy whose soft voice echoed in his ears.

This hadn't been the first time Raph had ever been attracted to guys. Chow Yong Fat, Jet Li, even Jackie Chan when he was younger, but this had been the first time he had been attracted to a guy he'd actually met in person. It made him giddy, almost to an uncomfortable degree. It even had control over his basic motor functions, such as speaking. All in all it was nerve wracking. All he needed to do was clear his head, maybe get some fresh air or something.

"Raph!" A voice jolted him from his inner consciousness.

"What?!" Raph snapped around staring face to face with Mikey, closer than he liked.

So close in fact that it made him lurch back, almost falling off of the seat. When he looked around the room, all of his brothers were staring at him as if he said something awkward aloud or done something questionable involuntarily. What could he have said? Raph wondered. What could he have done? Beads of sweat started forming around the mask that lay over his eyes

Raph had to play this cool, until he figured out what he'd done to make them stare at him. "What are you looking at?"

Donnie clear his throat and adjusted his newly acquired glasses, Raph got a better look at his reddish brown eyes. "We've been talking to you for like five minutes."

"So?" Raph acted exasperated to better cover up his growing blush.

"We were just making a statement. It might not have been a problem except, you were humming a song to yourself." Leo finished the last of his pizza crust.

"Yeah dude, for a minute there I though you were going to go all Disney Princess on us." Mikey's chastising tone caused Raph's blood to boil.

"What? A guy can't sit here and hum a tune now? Is that what you're telling me? I just got a lot on my mind and the music helps." Raph turned away from their gazes and back to his pizza, which remained untouched.

"Sorry for being concerned, I...we just thought that something might be wrong. You haven't touched your pizza." Leo was always the voice of reason in these types of situations.

"So, I'm not hungry right now, maybe I had a late lunch, maybe I just want to sit here admiring my food and hum a tune to it." Raph didn't look up from his pizza, not because he didn't want too, but because he was afraid that the others might see his flushing cheeks.

"Humming a love song maybe. Heh, I total get you Raph. Sometime I love pizza so much that I just want to, I dunno, start spouting poetry or something." Mikey had a glazed look in his eye as he coveted Raph's pizza.

"And what exactly have you been smoking?" Raph grumbled, the heat in his face getting worse.

"What? How dare you cheapen my love of pizza? Our love is like freshly dribbled snow, or something." Mikey retorted.

"It freshly driven snow Mikey, and how do you even know that term?" Donnie snapped as he pushed aside his plate.

"It's what you wrote about April in your diary." Mikey cackled.

Leo finally chimed in with a laugh. "Extra cheesy Donnie, just like this pizza."

"That diary is not for you eyes Shellhead. What did I tell you about going through my stuff?" Donnie got up from his seat, trying to grab Mikey.

Raph was relieved, that they had all turned their focus to each other, instead of on him. It was a lucky break too, he was running out of question dodging tactics. The idea of having to explain this new, and obviously unhealthy fascination with Li Jing was too terrible to imagine.

Raph's heart stopped when Mikey's words invaded his head once again. "Listen dude, you're the one whose always staring off into space and humming whenever April is around I'm just..." The voices had all died down and just as Raph had feared, all eyes were on him once again.

"Whoa dude, you're in love aren'cha?" The glow on Mikey's face was almost as blinding as the headlights had been earlier.

"What? No. That's stupid." Raph wished that better planned word had just fallen out of his mouth.

"It makes so much more sense now. That's why you have that glazed over look in your eyes, the soft humming, the overly defensive nature. You met someone, didn't you? Someone that make you feel the same way I do about April. Now I'll have someone who understand. Maybe we can talk it out, unload all the feelings of our unrequited love." Donnie's face twisted into a smile so impossibly wide, Raph was concerned his face might explode.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Easy! Next thing you know, you'll want to braid my bandanna and put fingernail polish on." Raph was fighting to turn this conversation away from him.

"So who is she, really?" Leo moved to sit across from Raph a genuine interest in what Raph had to say.

"It's not a she...I...!" Mikey's eyes opened wide as the words left Raph's lips.

The realization of what he said was too horrible to imagine. Raph briefly considered just falling on his sais. Panic was starting to set in. Raph was wracking his brain to put together some damage control, before someone had a chance to ask a follow up question.

"It's a he, isn't it? Yeah! Raph's into dudes, dudes. I told you guy that how long ago now?" Mikey's triumphant chortling was like a dagger through Raph's heart.

"You've never told us that before Mikey." Leo said, his gaze moving back to Raph, whose face was the same color as his bandanna.

"Is it true Raph?" Leo spoke, not specifying what he was asking about.

Raph wondered if Leo meant to ask such a stupid question. Maybe he was still curious if Raph met a girl, and just ignored the gay jokes that were bouncing around. It didn't matter though. Raph had already taken the question as the latter. That was the final straw, Raph couldn't take their accusing stares anymore. He jumped up from the table and gritted his teeth firmly.

"You know what? You can all mind your own damn business. I'm up their busting my ass everyday protecting you guys and this worthless city. I don't need this shit in my..." Raph was cut short by a grumbling voice from behind.

"Raphael, what is the matter my son?" Splinter stood in the doorway to his chambers.

Raph didn't turn around, didn't think he could take the disapproving stares of his master. Nor could he bring himself to speak to Splinter about these newly realized feelings. The outcome was sure to be a terrible one. Raph had kept the secret this long, he would continue to keep it.

"Come into my chambers so we can talk about it." Splinter took a step to the side, inviting his son in.

Raph shook his head, fighting back the tears that were forming at the edge of his eyes. "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be left alone." Raph pushed his way past Mikey, on his way to the door.

Leo got up from his seat with the intent to follow, but his master's words pulled him back. "Let him go Leonardo. The burden he is carrying is not fully realized. When he's ready, he will come to me for guidance."

Those words echoed into Raph's mind as he retreated into the shadows of the sewers. Maybe he needed to get out, be alone, get some fresh air. It just didn't seem that there would be any safe haven away from the memory Li Jing and the feelings he caused.

Raph walked along the abandon streets of the city. It was the broken down parts of town. Where few people gathered and the ones who did were almost as broken as the city around them. Several of them were huddled around a fire barrel trying to stay warm. They had no wish to speak to the squat figure in a trench coat and hat. In a way Raph was glad for that, the less talking he had to do right now the better.

He'd walked for a long time. How long? He didn't know. All he knew is that the more he snaked through those run down alleyways, the easier it was to escape the thoughts of the young man that haunted him so. It shouldn't be this way, he thought. Usually if he got that tickle of attraction, he would just polish it off in his bed and then go to sleep without sparing another thought about it.

This time it was different, he couldn't be entirely sure why. The only thing that kept coming back to his mind was, that he had actually met the person of his attraction. Spoke to them, touched them, smelled them. It may be in some way a sensory overload in some fashion. That's what it must be, Raph had managed to talk himself down.

It wasn't until then, that Raph realized that he had doubled back around. He was standing in the exact spot he and Li Jing had been standing in, when the black car pulled up. In a creepy way, he could almost smell that cherry blossom cologne Li Jing had been wearing. Could almost hear his voice. Raph cocked his head to hear. No it wasn't Li Jing, that was someone else, Raph's brain was starting to feed him some logic.

Raph moved quietly through the shadows, approaching a small offshoot from the alleyway. When he got close, he pressed his body against the wall to get a closer look. A dull light from some florescent blubs shone from one of the delivery doors at the back of the building. Raph could see several people clad in brown suits moving box after box from inside the building, placing them in the back of a truck. Judging by the masks and wraps that covered their faces, this was obviously a robbery.

"Only five of ya, huh? Should have brought more help." Raph smirked as he rolled around and started down the alleyway, keeping low to the ground.

Raph stops at the back of the van, pulling his Sais out from under his trench coat. "Alright everyone freeze, you're under citizens arrest. You bitches move, you get hurt."

Five sets of unimpressed almond shaped eyes stared back at him, Ninjas. Raph knew then, that he may have bitten off more then he could chew. Even if there were only five of them, chances of him taking them all on without being severely beaten was slim. None of it would matter anyway, because he wouldn't be conscious long enough to contemplate this fact further. Raph hadn't noticed the other three Ninjas approached from behind.

It wasn't until he heard the crunch of dirt behind him that brought him around on the ball of his feet. It had only been enough time to take a solid kick to the midsection. Raph could feel the air leave his lungs. Blackness flashed in front of his eyes, as he guarded against an attack that didn't come. It was nothing more than his vision failing. As he fought to breath, his balance weakened. He fumbled his Sais. One of them clanking loudly on the ground. Then his vision flashed white, his head filled with a sharp sting. The sound of cracking wood echoed through his ears.

Raph fell to his hands and knees. Fighting to take a deep breath, the cold night air filling his lungs. It was the dose of reality he needed to be brought back. Raph rolled hard to the right in enough time to dodged the heavy stomp from the strange attackers. Raph was up on his feet, taking a defensive stance. His green eyes moving around the battlefield taking it all in.

Tactics were definitely not his strong suite. His head was still spinning and the sharp pain in his stomach was hard to ignore. With the mounting number of ninjas, if he didn't plan everything out perfectly, he would fall. Once he was free of them, he could make a strategic retreat. On the count of three, spring to the group on the the right. Fewer numbers means a larger chance of success. It was as good a plan as any, he thought.

Raph tightened the muscles in his legs and crouched down to get a powerful spring under him. Now, Raph's mind snapped, pushing him from where he was perched. He was nothing more than a flash of green. When he approached the first ninja, he managed to get a clean upper cut to the unsuspecting figure, sending him sprawling. A clean high kick to the one behind and to the right of the first Ninja, was blocked, but the force pushed the ninja back. Raph dropped down doing a clean sweep of the legs. Sending the two other ninjas onto their backs.

When Raph came to a stand, he turned his attention to the others that were already moving in tandem. A beautiful flocking style, like ducks on a wing. They were moving fast. It was time to follow through with his plan. Raph never liked to run from a fight, but there was no way he could defeat them all. Raph took a few strafing steps back, when he felt a cold metal ting against the side of his head. The force was hard enough to send him rolling across the pavement.

Raph's eyes fluttered, fighting to stay open. Fighting to stay awake. Someone was yelling something in the distance. Or maybe it was closer than he thought. It was impossible to tell with the ringing in his ears. The foot fall that approached, sounded impossibly far away. A figure stepped up to him kneeling down. Whatever language he was speaking, Raph couldn't make it out. It was a foreign language he hadn't heard before. Raph was still fighting against blacking out. It didn't matter though. The figure reached out, touching a spot on Raph's chest above his collar bone. It felt nothing more than a cold gush of water washing over him and then he was out cold.


	3. Chapter 3: Beautiful Stranger

Chapter Three:

Beautiful Stranger

Raph took a deep breath, filling his nostrils with a scent of frankincense. The cooling pine scent washed with a lemon undertone. The thundering of his heart was slowing under the control of the smell. For a moment he felt like he was home. In the dojo with Master Splinter, kneeling on the grass weaved rugs. It sounded like he could hear his master's paced, smokey voice.

"My son, breath deep of the frankincense. It will help you find your center, calm the raging storm within you." The voice was sweet and calming, bringing tears to his eyes.

Hot tears! They burned, making him wish he was home again. Home, that's the thought that brought him back. When he opened his eyes, he was laying in a bedroll on the floor. Dull light filtered through the rice paper walls around him. A single ember burned from somewhere in the distance. Incense was Raph's first thought. That was when he realized he was no longer in his master's dojo. The sting of disappointment washed over him. If he wasn't home, where was he?

Raph sat up, feeling the covers pull tight against him before falling away. There was a sharp sting at the back of his head, in his right arm, his stomach, and in his lower back. That was when he remembered what happened. Someone had snuck up behind him in alley and hit him in the head with something. Raph tried to reach up and touch the back of his head, but the sting in his bicep and shoulder were too painful. Raph reached up with his other hand and gripped his arm, feeling the cooling pack that someone had taped to his arm. Someone bandaged him up? But who was it, and where was he now?

The soft sound of the panel door opened to his right, bringing his attention around. There was no way he would be able to protect himself in his current state. A nagging voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he was bandaged up and wasn't restrained in anyway. Whoever it was, wasn't a threat. But Raph didn't want to take any chances though.

When the lights came on, he was as stunned at who the person was, standing in the doorway. Li Jing held an ornamental tray with a tea set and snacks on it. His dark brown eyes peering through his long bangs. Raph wishes he could have avoided a longer stare, not wanting to come off creepy. The young man was wearing nothing more than a gray tank top and a pair of baggy gym shorts. Obviously he had been on his way to bed when he checked in on Raph.

Without a word, only a pleasant smile, he stepped into the room closing the door behind him. Raph felt his heart quicken again, a warm blush moving over his cheeks. The boy was more muscular than Raph had though, a swimmers body would have been a stretch of a description. Even if Raph hadn't seen him fight first hand, he would have guessed that the boy spent many days in training just judging the muscle tone. As Raph's eyes played across the young man's features, he was feeling faint. Why was he feeling this way? He asked himself, but was already well aware of the answer.

"Hello there sleepy head, you've been out for almost six hours." The boys feminine voice added heat to the blush.

"What? I...how did I get here?" Raph blurted out in a feeble attempt to combat the giddy feeling that was looming in his belly.

The young man knelt down on the floor next to Raph and set the tray down. "Rude much. No hello?" The scrutiny in his eyes was palpable, but excruciatingly cute at the same time.

So much so, that Raph was wracked with guilt. "Sorry, I...Li Jing wasn't it? It's really good to see you again."

Li Jing pushed his hair back from his face and poured a cup of tea. "...really good to see me huh?" His voice chastised, but his smile was inviting.

Raph grunted and clears his throat. "Suffering from severe head trauma here. You'll hafta excuse me if I say crazy shit."

Li Jing lay his finger across his lips. "Don't speak like that, my father is in the other room. That language isn't tolerated." There was a hint of fear in his voice.

Raph pressed his hands together and bowed his head, wincing at the pain in his stomach. "I'm sorry. Please tell me how I got here. What happened?"

"Certainly, but first sip this. Careful, it's hot." Li Jing passed Raph a small decorative cup of tea.

Raph sniffed it at first, a soft hint of lemon and hibiscus caused a slight watering in his mouth. When he sipped the tea, he fought the urge to wince against the heat. Some of his taste buds were seared to numbness. At least the tea was good, calming. Li Jing poured himself a cup and whispered something under his breath. At first Raph wanted to ask what he said, but thought that it might come off as rude. He had already secured that title firmly as it was. He wanted to redeem himself in the face of Li Jing.

"I saw what happened to you in the alleyway..." Was all he said.

"You saw that? Why didn't you help me out?" Even as Raph blurted out, Li Jing raised his hand to quiet Raph down. Raph's insides stirred against the young man's confidence.

"I wanted to, but there was nothing I could do. I was going to call the police, but I didn't think you would have appreciated that. So I asked my father to help you." Li Jing explained, his voice cool like a spring breeze.

"When we got down there to help, you were already out cold. They were going to kill you. My father and his bodyguards chased them off, while I carried you into the building." Li Jing took a sip of his tea. "Once I got you up here, I obviously couldn't take you to the hospital. So I treated your wound and bundled you up. Luckily you woke up. I didn't have a plan B if you didn't."

Raph chewed on his stinging tongue, his mind digesting everything that Li Jing told him. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusion. Thank you for saving me."

"No problem, you helped me out. I wanted to return the favor. I guess that makes us even." Li Jiang didn't smile, instead he held an adorable indifferent look.

"Now that I'm awake, I should probably get going. I don't want to be more of a burden than I already have been." Raph tried to get up, the ache in his stomach and back caused him to pause for a moment.

"Wait, you don't have to go right away. My dad said you can stay until Friday. Well...he didn't acutally say that. I just asked him if you could stay until you were better." Li Jing touched Raph's shoulder, his fingers strong, warm.

A shutter ran through him that he hoped Li Jing couldn't feel. "If you're sure..."

"Besides that'll give us some time to get to know each other better." Li Jing smiled.

"I think I'd like that." Raph sat back, the pressure in his back relaxing.

"Good, I don't have many friends, or any actually. Thanks to my dad's work, I move around all the time. In fact, that's one of the main reasons you can't stay longer. We're going back to Hong Kong on Friday." Li Jing rubbed his arm, there was a bandage wrapped around his bicep, a bruise had grown out from underneath it.

"That gives us a couple days to hang out at least." Raph sat the cup back down on the tray, picking up a rice cookie.

"You're right!" Li Jing perked up as he played with his cup. "I suppose you're lonely too huh?"

Raph thought about the question for a long time, he didn't want to admit that he didn't have very many friends. "I guess. There's just a few of us in my family. My dad and three brothers, other than that, there are only three other humans that know we exist."

"Whoa, there are five giant turtles roaming around the city?" Li Jing almost jumped out of his seat.

"Well, four of us are turtles and my dad Master Splinter, he's a rat." It did sound rather silly, when Raph said it aloud.

"Wait a minute. I'm no genius, but I did take basic Biology. How is your dad a rat?" Li Jing rested his chin on his knee, contemplating the idea.

"Well, obviously we're adopted." Raph chuckled, giving Li Jing a light punch in the shoulder.

"I figured. I'm just screwing with you." When Li Jing slapped back, their hands met and tangled for a short awkward second, before they both pulled their hands away.

"Yeah, we used to be just regular turtles..." Raph tried to cough his rational thinking back into order. "We fell into this mutagen stuff that gave us human parts. When Master Splinter cleaned us off, he got some of the stuff on him as well. It turned him into a rat."

"That sounds far out. How does it pick what you turn into?" Li Jing pushed the tray away so he could lay down beside Raph.

"Man, you're asking the wrong turtle. Donnie would be the one to ask. I think it has to do with the things you've had the most contact with." Raph shrugged as he spoke.

"Donnie, he's one of your brother right?' Li Jing asked looking up at Raph.

"Oh yeah, I should have mentioned that. There's Leonardo, Donatello, and Michelangelo. If you hadn't guessed we're named after Renaissance artists." Raph lowered himself back on his bed, so he could see eye to eye with his new friend.

"I kinda picked up on that. Do you all know martial arts?" There was a child like glint in Li Jing's eyes, his curiosity was sweet.

"Yep, Master Splinter trained us in the art of Ninjitsu. I'm a master of the..." Raph reached back to feel the empty slots that held his precious weapons.

"Sais...Don't worry, I gathered them up. They're in my room, under my bed." Li Jing explained. "You can have them back when you leave. That was my dad's rule, no weapons in the house. I never go against what my dad says." Li Jing whispered as if his dad might hear him.

"That's cool, Splinter would rather we follow all of his rules. I mean we don't always disobey him, just sometimes." Raph smiled in a teasing fashion.

"He doesn't beat you?" The surprised look on his beautiful face, caused a small pit to open in Raph's stomach.

"No, of course not. The only time he ever hits us, is during training. Does your..." Raph stopped himself before he finished the question.

"I...should get to bed." Li Jing's voice went back to it's indifferent tone.

Raph couldn't tell if he'd overstepped his bounds or if Li Jing was uncomfortable talking about it. Either way Raph knew he was walking on thin ice and thought he should backpedal before it was too late.

"Well, okay. You sleep well. Wake me up when you get up okay? We can have some more fun then." Raph watched as Li Jing got up from the floor, picking up the tray as he went.

"I will. Goodnight Raphael." Was the last thing he said as he walked out of the room, turning the light off as he went.

Raph could see his silhouetted shadow through the thin walls. It was a perfect likeness of him. Li Jing's figure growing weak in the knees. Emotionally, Raph guessed. The young man set the tray down on something before falling back on his bed. Raph watched as the boy reached up to rub his face. It was either the boy was tired or crying. Raph reached up and touched his chest. There was a soft throbbing inside in chest. It was a pain he hadn't felt often. A mixture of sadness and sympathy for the young man. Someone so beautiful shouldn't know such pain.

Time passed by, Raph watching as the young man wandered around his room. Learning his emotions from just the slightest movement. Learning who this young man was as if they were having a conversation without even speaking. How had this connection become so strong, in such a short time? Was it a crush? Did he have a crush? The tightness of his loins was as misleading as his swimming thoughts. When Li Jing turned his lights off, Raph was filled with a loneliness he'd never felt before. It was as if he lost a piece of himself somewhere and couldn't find it.

"You're in love, you big jerk." Raph whispered to himself, his voice lingering in his mind.


	4. Chapter 4: Quiet Moments

Chapter Four:

Quiet Moments

"Wake up Raph." Li Jing whispered, his hands pressing lightly to Raph's chest.

Raph groaned and swatted at Li Jing's pawing fingers, but it did little to deter the young man. Li Jing continued to feel around the shell at Raph's chest. Pushing against it, it gave slightly. The sensation was much the same as fingers against his skin through a thick leather jacket, the type a biker would wear. Again Raph batted at the pawing fingers. This time it wasn't because he wanted to sleep longer. It was because his morning wood was threatening to escape his shell.

Li Jing pushed his hands further under the blankets along Raph's stomach. "Wow! Your shell, it's not as hard as I thought it was going to be. It's almost like leather armor."

The feeling of the young man's hands exploring his body, was amazing to say the least. His soft warm fingers working along the gaps in his shell at his sides before moving back to his stomach. Not that he wanted Li Jing to stop. Raph knew that this couldn't continue or things could get awkward soon.

"Alright I'm up." Raph quickly sat up, so fast that his back muscles clicked in resistance.

"Wow, you're amazing." The excited tone pricked Raph's ears.

At first Raph wasn't sure what Li Jing was talking about, but his cheeks started flushing red anyway. "Thanks, you're not too shabby yourself."

Li Jing chuckled and ran a finger along Raph's chest, testing the shell again. "Do you think you could take a punch to the stomach? Would you feel it?"

Raph was glad that Li Jing took his comment as a mere joke and didn't explore further. Li Jing stared at him like a deer in the headlights. As the moments wore on. Things were starting to feel more and more awkward. Finally Li Jing was the first to speak, breaking the silence.

"Are you going to answer my question?" Li Jing cocked his head to the side in confusion at the disconnect.

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, probably not now. If you did it now, I might piss myself." Li Jing started laughing before Raph could finished.

It was a surprise to see the young man being so jovial after last night. When the young man went to bed last night, he seemed so sad. But now, here he was a ray of sunshine. And if his smile hadn't been beautiful enough, his laugh was even more so. The room grew slightly darker when Li Jing stopped laughing.

"Well we can get up and have some fun or sit here giggling like school girls all morning." Raph teased.

"That sounds great, I have this new nail polish I've been dying to try." Li Jing blurted out as he pushed himself up from the floor.

"Are you serious?" Raph cocked his head slightly.

"No, it's a joke." Li Jing chuckled as he helped Raph to his feet slow.

And slowly was a good way to describe it. Because of all the damage Raph had sustained, plus the minor concussion he suffered equaled some failure in equilibrium. It also didn't help that Raph had the lingering pressure of a boner tucked uncomfortably in his shell. Plus the full bladder was the icing on the cake. At least his limp seemed more legit while Li Jing helped him to the bathroom.

"Do you need me to go in with you?" Li Jing asked, helping stabilize his friend.

Raph thought about it for a second and dismissed it as a lecherous thought. "Nah, I think I got it buddy."

"If you're sure." There was a hint of disappointment in the young man's voice, but he turned it around by continuing. "I'll go make us something to eat. If you need any help, give me a call."

"Alright, sounds good." Raph limped through the door, sliding it closed behind him.

This was the strangest bathroom Raph had ever been in. Not that he'd been in many in his life. But there was only a toilet, and a sink. No shower or bath tube. The room was scarce on decoration as well. It would serve it's purpose though. Raph reached down freeing himself from the cage of his shell. Thankfully his erection had gone down some, but it was still painful. Both from the intensity of the boner and the growing urge to take a piss. Raph splashed some cold water on his face, taking slow deep breaths trying to calm himself. Maybe alleviate some of the heat in his face.

After a few moments Raph limped out of the bathroom, using the wall for support. Luckily his legs hadn't been damaged at all. The only thing that was causing the limp, was the aching from his back. The longer he stayed on this feet and moved around, the better he was feeling. Li Jing met him in the hallway, a concerned look on his face. Raph just responded with a smile, trying to ease whatever worry this young man had.

"You doing alright?" Li Jing offered a shoulder, which Raph gratefully turned down.

"Nah I'm good, the longer I'm up and about, the better I feel." Raph forced a chuckle out, he may be feeling better, but it still hurt terribly.

"Alright, if you say so." A coy look came to the young man's face. "Well, would you like a tour of the apartment while foods cooking."

Where had this range of emotions been yesterday, Raph wondered. "Sure."

After a brief tour, Raph was amazed at the apartment's attention to detail with the eastern Asian culture theme. It had been a perfect mix of Korean, Chinese, and Japanese culture all rolled into one. Obviously who ever designed the décor was a top notch in their field. Not that Raph had any knowledge of the three cultures enough to know if it were authentic or not. All he knew was whatever Splinter had shown him, or told him about. Li Jing had explained that his mother had been the inspiration for the decorating. That Li Jing's father, who was an exceedingly wealthy business man, hired someone specifically for the task. Raph could hear the fondness Li Jing had for his mother.

They had stopped in the hallway on their way back to the kitchen. Li Jing pointed out the three portraits on the wall. His father Li Zhuge, a stern faced man. His strong Chinese heritage was unavoidably noticed in the strong facial features. His mother Li Orchid. A Japanese woman, who had been raised in Korea for most of her life. Raph saw that Li Jing favored his mother greatly. Finally a picture of Li Jing, when he was eight years old. Raph had never paid much attention baby's or children, but Li Jing had been a cute kid.

When the tour was over. Li Jing went back to the kitchen to check on the food. The warm smell of homemade noodles in fish broth was heavy in the room. Fresh pan seared sardines lay on a bed of sauteed cabbage, set on a wooden plank in the center of the counter table. The smell of the fish was so strong in the room that it almost covered up the light lavender tea that was steeping next to the plate of food.

Raph climbed up on his stool and looked down at the meal. In truth the only time he'd ever seen anything like this was in the stupid cartoons his brothers watched. It was beautiful and delicate, intimidating at first glance. A calm hand rested against his forearm, bringing his eyes up to see Li Jing settling onto his stool. Raph watched as Li Jing folded his hands in front of him, whispering something under his breath.

When he was finished, Raph was drawn to ask. "What is that you're doing there?"

Li Jing picked up his chopsticks and fed a noddle into his mouth, which he slurped. "I was saying a prayer."

Raph fumbled with his chopsticks, Master Splinter had showed him how to use them a couple of times, but he'd never been good at using them. "For who, if you don't mind me asking."

Li Jing sipped some of the warm broth from his bowl. "It's for my mother. I always pray to her before every meal. It was a thing we use to do when she was alive."

Raph felt a knot form in his stomach, as if he knew he shouldn't have asked. "What happened?"

Li Jing sighed, not out of frustrations, that much was clear. "When I was eight years old, she got really sick. Spending more and more time in the hospital. It went on for like a year. When the doctors finally admitted that they weren't going to be able to cure her, she just wanted to come home to die. It had been her wish, from the very first moment she found out when she was really ill. A few days before she got to come home, she slipped away in the night."

The corners or Raph's lips turned down, he wanted to reach out to Li Jing, touch his hand, do something to comfort him. "I'm so sorry Li, I didn't know."

"It's alright, that was like seven years ago." Li slurped another noodle before continuing again. "Besides, I had ample time to get use to the idea before it happened. The thing that hurt the most was the fact that mom hadn't been able to make the trip home. It did something to my dad."

"What do you mean?" Raph sipped some of the broth, it was rich and savory.

"When my mom started getting sick, he was all like. 'Don't worry son, you'll always have me.' But after it happened, he changed. He became obsessed with working. Anything to get out of the house. When he was home, all we ever did was train together and do homework." Li Jing was amazingly cool and collected as he discussed the subject.

"Man, that really sucks. You guys never do stuff together?" Raph picked up a sardine with his chopsticks, fumbling it into his bowl.

Li Jing laughed despite himself. "Well, we do some things together, but nothing fun really. We don't really even talk anymore. When we do, it's never about mom."

Raph took a deep breath as he picked the sardine up with his fingers and put it into his mouth. The sweet taste of the soy sauce seared on the crispy skin was startlingly tasty. A low mmm sound came from his throat unexpectedly. Li Jing smiled at the sound, before enjoying one of the little fish himself. Raph used this intermission to shuffle through the thoughts that bounced around in his head. Li Jing's story was a tragedy, that he hadn't expected to hear. If only he had some profound proverb to say. Even if he could just give the young man a hug, it would be better then what his mind kept coming back too.

"Li, I'm so sorry. I wish I could make things better." Raph set his bowl back down, turning his full attention to the young man.

Li shook his head, as he rested his hand on Raph's, it was almost hot from holding his bowl of noodles. "You already have." Was all he said, before going back to eating.

The feeling of Li Jing's hand still lingered on his, causing a blush to surge through him once again. Raph only hoped that it didn't show. Trying to be a cool as possible, he went back to eating. The rest of breakfast was spent in quiet conversation about happier things.

To Raph's surprise, the beautiful Asian inspired apartment didn't offer much in the way of entertainment. There was no television, no cable, no video games, there wasn't even a computer. Li Jing had explained that watching television had been his mother's thing. They would spend an hour after school every day watching cartoons together. After she died, his father discontinued the cable service in their apartment in Hong Kong and never bought another television for the half a dozen apartments he owns all over the globe.

Raph was astounded that Li Jing and his dad traveled so much that they needed six apartments worldwide. Li Jing simply explained that with his mom gone, his dad didn't want to go home again. It wasn't until then that Raph figured out why Li Jing seemed so happy. Li Jing only showed a full range of emotions when his father wasn't around. He wanted to ask about it, but Li Jing interrupted by asking if reading a book would be a good way to pass the time. Raph wasn't much of a fan of books. If he had a choice he would have said no, but with options limited, it would suffice.

It had been a long time since anyone read to him. The last time had been when he was seven. Master Splinter always insisted on story time before bed. It had been one of his favorite times, if he remembered correctly. Although he would never admit it. He was already swayed by the prospect of being read to, but Li Jing pushed the issue home by saying that he use to read to his mother when she was in the hospital. That was how they spend a lot of last year of her life. Raph simply smiled, not a sharp sarcastic smile that his lips has memorized, but a sweet, warm smile that an affectionate lover would have for their companion.

Raph couldn't remember the last time he'd spent such a peaceful morning. Raph slouching comfortably against the couch, his arms draped over the back. Li Jing was laying on his back on the couch with his head resting on one of Raph's thighs. It took so much effort to not pet the young man's sleek hair. He's not a cat, Raph had to remind himself during the pauses of Li Jing flipping the pages.

The story had been a beautiful one. About a Samurai who battled a demonic Ogre for the favor of a young woman that was held captive. Li Jing was reading it in Japanese, his accent was spot on. In honesty Raph only caught bits and pieces of the story since he abandoned learning the language a long time ago.

The words that he remember the most were the words for battle. It made it easy to picture the epic fight scene in his head. Sword striking maul, the force pushing the samurai back. His head hitting the wall. Blood dripping from the wound. Then the image was gone with the closing of the book. It felt as if something tore the image from his mind.

"My dad is home, we should go to my room." It had been the first time in hours that Li Jing had spoken directly to him.

The English words seemed broken when they left his lips, it took a second for Raph to realize what he'd said. "Can we finish reading the story in the bedroom."

"Nah, I'll finish reading it tomorrow, deal?" Li Jing rubbed his eyes, Raph could tell that they must be hurting him.

Li Jing escorted Raph back to the bedroom. "Get comfortable. I'm going to go talk to my father and get dinner started."

The front door to the apartment opened causing Li Jing to snap around in that direction. "Hey dad!"

"Alright, hurry back okay." Raph was feeling a warm pang of panic. They'd spent all day together and he didn't want it to end now, or ever.

A heavy voice called from the living room. "Hello!" It was emotionless in tone.

"You know I will." Li Jing chuckled and passed him a playful glance, before pulling the door closed between them.

With Li Jing gone and Raph alone. There was only one thing he could do now, reflect upon what was happening around him. Raph knelt down on his bedroll in a meditative posture. Hand resting on his thighs. It was rare that he took this stance, but his body never forgot how to manipulate it. The only noises in the room was the ticking clock on the wall and the periodic mumbles from Li Jing and his father rumbling from the other room. Raph closed his eyes and focused on a black void in the back of his brain. The low bass from the talking from the other room felt like thunder rolling in the back of his mind. The ticking clock, the sound or rain against the roof.

Splinter appeared before him, holding the same stance as he did. Around him were his brothers all mimicking their master's pose. Raph could see them as if they were there in front of them. He could hear their soft breathing against the rain outside. Could almost smell them, a scent that only a brother or a son would know of his family.

It had been the first time since he arrived at Li Jing's apartment that he thought of his family in the sewers. The way that they had teased him, the way they always teased him. If they knew his secret, he would never hear the end of it. The idea was too painful dwell on but too fresh to ignore. The sound of their laughter, the way they pointed at him. It's impossible to be gay when you have brothers to judge you. They couldn't understand how he struggled with it everyday for years. The attraction he felt for the same sex, the lack of understanding of why he didn't find the opposite sex attractive. It was a constant battle that hounded him like a nemesis.

Not that he hadn't tried to enjoy the opposite sex. The stack of magazines Mikey shared with him when they were twelve hadn't aroused him. None of them, at least not until the 'one' that slipped into Mikey's magazine collection by accident. Raph had taken it, it still rested safely between his mattress and box-spring. 'Boys of Summer' was what it was called, double deluxe edition. Raph stared at that front cover for hours thinking about it, afraid to open it. It felt incredibly heavy in his young hands. The giddy feeling in his gut like butterflies on the wind. The anticipation making him feel like a horny school girl from one of the other magazines Mikey coveted. The guilt he felt in his heart, when he paged through the magazine, mixed well with the naughty pleasure that burned in his loins. A dangerous cocktail that intoxicated the rage in his mind. Another facet of his misunderstanding that would be realized only as anger.

"Embrace who you are, my son." Splinter's voice echoed in his mind, it was so vivid that it snatched him awake from his meditation.

Sweat covered his whole body, his heart hammering in his chest. A dry swallow forcing it's way down the back of his throat. How long had it been? The clock on the wall said it had been an hour, maybe longer. It must be wrong, Raph thought. There was a sharp stinging coming from his thighs. When he looked down there were three small slits on each of his thighs, from where his fingernails dug in. He remembered now, this, the rage, that was why he doesn't meditate.


	5. Chapter 5: Strange Lesson

Chapter Five:

Strange Lessons

The door slid open, startling Raph. Li Jing slid into the room balancing a tray of food. Raph was up and at his side that instant to take tray from him. Ignoring the aches in his back and legs. Once Li Jing was stable, he pulled the the door closed behind him. They were locked in solitude together. Raph couldn't shake the effervescent change in the air that surrounded him like a warm blanket.

"Thanks for the help." Li Jing took a deep breath. "It was heavier than I thought it was going to be."

Raph set the tray down on a study table in the corner, looking over the bounty of food that Li Jing brought. Peppered beef, steamed rice, sauteed vegetables. Two bowls of Miso soup, with thick cut mushrooms and scallions floating on the top. Accompanied by a kettle of rose and sage tea. Raph couldn't believe how good a cook Li jing was at such a young age. There must be a catch, Raph thought.

"Did you cook this?" Raph blurted out as he knelt down on the pad next to the table.

"Yeah. As you probably guessed, I use to spent a lot of time in the kitchen with my mother. She taught me a lot." Li Jing's smile faltered, but he managed to gain control over it again.  
>Li Jing knelt down and pressed his hands together in from of him. Raph reached out taking Li Jing's hands in his and holding them across the table, on either side of the food tray. Li Jing was startled at first. His brown eyes tracing from one hand to the other. His lips were tight against his teeth as he remained in control of whatever emotion he was feeling, or battling with. Then his featured softened against the glimmer in Raph's eyes, the air was calm once again.<p>

"Her name was Kiriko." Li Jing whispered, closing his eyes and bowing his head.

Raph cleared his throat. "Bless this food in the memory of Kiriko. Though she dwell in the land of the ancestors, her legacy lives on with her son Li Jing. For whom I am grateful to know." The words came out clumsy and unrehearsed, but they were true, none the less.

Li Jing held Raph's hand for a moment longer. They stared at each other for a while. The longer they held their gazes the more shy and self aware they became. The moments lingered a touch too long, Raph could tell by the growing blush on his cheeks. Li Jing pulled away first and started serving food. Rice on the bottom, vegetables in the middle. Meat on top. Raph turned his attentions to the Miso soup, slurping it. The earthy mushrooms, accompanied the salty, savory broth well. The warmth from the soup hitting his stomach only added to the heat of his face.

The conversation was kept light. Talk about school, Li Jing was in the top ten percentile of his class. Moving around made things difficult for him, but it also made him more self aware than most kids his age. His training was as staunch as anything Master Splinter did, maybe even more. When Li Jing spoke of these things, he was very academic in his tone. Sounding more like a grown man, but when he spoke of his mother, that was when he really shined.

That beautiful boyish smile on his face made Raph hurt. Stories that would cause Li Jing to laugh, a carefree laugh. The type of laugh Raph had never known. The more Li Jing spoke the wider the smile on Raph's face grew. The heavier the want deep inside was becoming.

When the meal was done, Li Jing got up from the floor and gathered the dishes. "Alright, I'm going to clean these up and then we have to take a bath."

"A bath!" Raph squeaked out.

"Yeah, it's the rules of the house. You don't have to take a bath every day, but you do have to take one at least every other day. And even though you're our guest, you still have to follow the rules of the house." Li Jing chuckled as he stepped into the hallway.

The last thing Raph wanted was more alone time. Maybe he could rush through the bath, but then he would still have to wait in his room alone, while Li Jing bathed. The prospect was terrible either way. Raph took a deep breath trying to keep from getting worked up too much. A stitch had already started digging deep in his side.

Almost no time passed before Li Jing came back, or at least it felt that way to Raph as he was still working on remaining calm. Li Jing touched his finger to his lips and beckoned Raph to follow him.

Quietly they walked across the hallway. The bathroom was larger than most bathrooms Raph had been in. The blue and white tiled floor made a checker board pattern. It traveled halfway up the wall. To his right was a large bathtub, the size of a jacuzzi. A wisp of steam danced on the surface of the water. To his left was a wooden riser, that had been polished and treated with water sealant. There were openings between each slat that allowed to drip down into a drainage basin below. On the wall above the wooden riser was a spigot, below that a bucket, several bottles of soap, and a large natural sponge. The room was scented with rose and lemon, from the candles that sat on the narrow windowsill above.

Raph hadn't seen anything like this before. Granted he had only been in April's bathroom a few times, but it didn't look like this. Raph took a step closer to the tub. Even he couldn't deny how enticing it looked. Quickly he started removing his belt, wrist, and foot wraps.

"Wait, you don't get in the bath yet. You have to wash off first." Li Jing called to him from behind.

Raph turned around to face him, his eyes going wide. At any moment he expected blood to come rushing out of his nose like a gusher. Li Jing had stripped down to almost nothing. The tighty-whities and black socks did little to hide his modesty. The look on Raph's face must have been apparent, because Li Jing hugged his body in a self-conscious posture.

"Sorry, should I have asked if you wanted company first?" Li Jing's ears were peaked in red.

"No...no. I mean I'm glad you were here, I almost wrecked your tub." Raph tried to chuckle his way back to composure, as he checked his nose again for the twelfth time.

Li Jing brushed if off with a wave of his hand, before pulling his socks and underwear off. Raph turned to look the other way. Thanks to the steam building in the room, it was easier to cover up the blush. He still had to steal his glances sparingly lest he come off as a creeper. By this point Li Jing didn't seem concerned with modesty anymore. Raph could see it in the confident way Li Jing moved freely in front of him. Li Jing climbed up onto the wooden riser. Kneeling down with his back turned toward Raph slightly. Raph stared on, wondering if Li Jing was aware of how seductive he was being. Which seemed preposterous, Raph thought. The guy was only trying to take a shower. Li Jing starting the spigot running, testing the water against his forearms. Unabashedly confident in his nakedness and _that_ was a problem for Raph. What started out as careful glances, were turning into full on lecherous gazes.

Li Jing turned, looking at him from over his shoulder. "Come on up here."

Raph scrambled across the floor oddly, the tight pulsing of his cock inside his shell made it difficult to ignore. He stepped up on the wooden riser and sat down across from Li Jing, who was checking the water once again. The water sounded incredibly loud in the room, almost drowning out the thoughts running through his head.

When the water was right temperature, Li Jing filled the bucket up and turned the water off. Raph's head was starting to spin, whether it was from the heat of the steam, or the scented candles, he couldn't be sure. But when Li Jing pushed the soapy sponge into his hands, he almost couldn't register what to do with it. It felt like he was sitting beside himself, directing how to wash himself. At some point Li Jing had taken the sponge from Raph and started washing along his sides in slow circles.

The citrus scent of the soap was crisp, refreshing. Bubbles foamed up around him making a mock bikini, which he and Li Jing had both laughed about. Very Mature, Raph thought, but didn't care. He was have far too much fun to let the chastising voice bring him down.

For a long time both of them had been quiet. The only words that passed between them was about Li Jing's mother and her love for the bathing ritual she grew up with. Raph could fully see why, it was an amazing experience. Li Jing had went on to say that before she died, they would all bathe together and talk about their day. It was a way for Li Jing to talk about his school day in a more relaxed setting. Or if his father had had a particularly rough day at the office then he could let his 'troubles go down the drain' his mom would always say. This was giving Raph a great idea, maybe he could convince Donnie to build a bathroom similar to this. Splinter wouldn't mind starting up a bathing ritual. Although the thought struck him as funny, since they lived in a sewer.

Raph leaned back letting the suds soak into his body. He watch Li Jing give himself a quick scrub down. Raph wanted to avert his gaze to show some respect, but it was far too late for that. The thoughts had already been embedded in his mind. The naughty thoughts of the things that he wanted to try with Li Jing. The will power it took to keep them a secret was astonishing.

After Li Jing finished washing, he picked up the bucket and dumped it over his head. The force of the water splashing back on Raph. Li Jing filled the bucket once again and dumped it over Raph head in the same fashion. Even though Raph was prepared for the rush of water, he still managed to breath it in at the last second causing him to cough. The pain in his back and side spiked, causing him to wince. This was the first time in a while that he remember he had been beaten up at all.

Li Jing rinsed the sponge out and dropped it in the bucket. Then he did a quick check of the soap bottles to make sure they were all closed. Raph hadn't seen someone so meticulous about anything since Leo. When Li Jing got up form the wooden riser, he held his hand out to Raph offering to help him to his feet. Raph took it and was glad for the assist.

"Now we can relax in the bath tub." Li Jing stepped down on the cold floor, moving carefully since it was coated in condensation.

Raph was right behind him. "I'm so excited for this, I've not had a bath since I was a baby."

"Really, you smelled pretty good to me." Li Jing looked over his shoulder at Raph.

"Oh har har, you know what I mean." Raph was smiling so much his cheeks were hurting.

"Yeah, just fooling with you. Seriously though, I'm excited too, I haven't bathed with anyone in a long time. I've really missed it." Li Jing started chuckling. "Not that we've had a busy day or nothing."

"I'll have you know, hanging out with you is quite the chore. Listening to your jokes. Hearing you laugh. Looking at your cu...face. I am wore out." As soon as Raph finished his mock rant, a flood of warm water hit him in the face.

"Oh sorry...I slipped." Li Jing laughed as he held his hand out to Raph to help him into the tub.

Raph joined in on the laugh as he climbed into the tub. They sat across from each other. Li Jing was already leaning back against the side of the tub. His legs entwining with Raph's in a playful power struggle. The water was hotter than it appeared, but soothing all the same. Sweat prickled up along Raph's face, making the heat from the blush overwhelming. He hadn't stopped blushing the whole time they had been in the bathroom together.

That sat together in relative silence, with the exception of relaxing moans and groans from the warm bath. Li Jing had continued his lazy game of footsie. Raph obliged by playing back. A few chuckles were added to the sounds or relaxation. Li Jing looked into Raph's eyes, a smile of uncertain origin was on his face. It was a smile Raph hadn't seen before. He wasn't sure if he should be intrigued or nervous.

"Have you...ever been with anyone before?" Li Jing voice was soft, almost lost against the sound of Raph's pounding heart.

"Well yeah, I'm with you aren't I." Raph knew very well what Li Jing was asking, but he was playing ignorant.

"I mean romantically. Have you ever kissed anyone before? Have you ever...done it before?" Li Jing moved closer so he was sitting beside Raph.

"No, on both. I've never had a b...girlfriend before." Why would you say that? Raph asked himself trying to keep an indifferent look on his face.

"Yeah me neither, but I imagine it to be on of the most amazing things ever. I just haven't found anyone I ever wanted to do it with. I've never been close enough to really find out if they were special enough for...that." Li Jing explained as he leaned against Raph.

Raph cleared his throat, trying to play it cool at how close Li Jing was. "Same here, for obvious reasons. There aren't many mutant turtles walking around New York."

"Then get a human girlfriend." Li Jing lay his head back against Raph's bicep.

"Yeah right! No girl would be interested in me." Raph chuckled nervously, wondering why he kept talking about girls.

"Then that's their loss. I for one would love to have someone like you in my life." Li Jing chuckled, his fingers folding over themselves in a practiced pattern.

"I could say the same thing about you." Raph said, his own fingers playing along the surface of the water, attempting to get closer to Li Jing's hands.

Again the room fell into quiet. Both of them were lost in their own thoughts. Raph's mind wandered through the hundreds of concerns that he'd asked himself over the years. Li Jing was perfect in his mind. The first person that was flesh and blood he actually had feelings for, that he loved. In his magazine, the men didn't judge. Raph felt that he actually had a chance with them. When he was in the real world, a freak, that no one could love. It shattered that small glimmer of hope that he would find love. But Li Jing saw him as a person, not a mutant, not a turtle. There was a chance with him, that Raph never thought he would have. There was an urge deep inside to act upon these emotions inside.

Li Jing turned his head, his wet hair throwing cool droplets on Raph's face. There faces were impossibly close now. If there were ever going to be a moment to act, it would be now. Raph's heart rattled in his chest, his breath was coming out short. It felt as if he were suffocating, his lips drew closer.

Li Jing shifted across the tub to the opposite side, before stepping out onto the cold floor. "We should get out, before we turn into raisins."

The pang deep inside of Raph rolled like thunder, pushing him to clench his teeth near to the breaking point. "Ha!" He forced out awkwardly. "Too late." He held up one of his prune like fingers.

It was all he could do to ignore the pain in his heart, the clench in his stomach, and the painful throb in his loins. Li Jing simply smirked and toweled himself off. Raph had never known that someone could be jealous of a towel, but he was. Idiot was the word his mind kept calling him. Only adding more adjectives to the word as the seconds passed by. He got out of the water and took the towel from Li Jing, offering to dry his back for him. Li Jing didn't say anything just arched his back towards Raph.

"Man am I tired." Li Jing said through a yawn, before taking the towel back from Raph to return the favor.

"You said it, bud." Raph's words were awkward, enjoying the feeling of the towel on his shell.

Li Jing didn't stop with his back. He slowly patted down Raph's arms, one after the other. Then down to his legs. Raph flexed them to keep them from shaking. Raph started reaching for Li Jing's head, once again wanting to pet him, but pulled his hand back at the last second. Li Jing stepped around Raph drying his chest and stomach before holding the towel out to him.

"There you go, I'll let you get your delicate areas." Li Jing looked down at Raph's crotch, puzzled. "Do you have a...?" The flush on his cheek matched Raph's.

"Oh yeah, it's inside my shell for safe keeping." Raph chuckled and gave his shell down there a quick wipe.

Li Jing contemplated as he pulled a blue robe around his small frame. "What...does it look like?"

Again Raph felt like his nose was going to become a blood fountain. "Well it...looks a lot like yours actually. I guess it's comparable to a human's. I don't know. I've not seen a lot of them." Which was a lie, there were at least fifty different dicks in his double deluxe magazine.

"Can I see it?" Li Jing's eyes were full of curiosity.

"I...ah...suppose so." Raph squeaked, he dropped the towel on the floor around his legs.

Raph fished around in his shell. Due to his boner, it was taking longer to dig it out from his shell. When he did a pang of guilt washed through him. What was Li Jing going to think? Raph thought, wishing he had said no now. Li Jing inspected the cock. Seven inches fully erect, two inches around. The dark green skin traveled the whole length to the deep purple tip. Raph was so self-conscious about it, that he just wanted to climb back inside of himself. But Li Jing was calm as he studied it. His face indifferent, which Raph hated. He needed to know that Li Jing wasn't repulsed by it. At the same time he couldn't stop thinking, what was he expecting Li Jing's reaction to be like. Li Jing took on single finger and touched along the top. Raph closed his eyes and grunted loudly, embarrassed that he hadn't anticipated the noise that escaped. When he opened his eyes, Li Jing was watching his reaction.

"That's so cool. It's hot to the touch." That was the last thing Li Jing said about it, he just tightened the wrap on his robe.

"Yeah, sorry it's like this. Something about the warm water, then the cold air. It's complicated." Raph kept telling himself to stop talking, but the words were uncontrollable.

"Uh huh. I understand what you're getting at." Li Jing smiled coyly, before walking out of the room, Raph could see him step into the bedroom across the hall.

"Damn it." Raph said quietly as he worked to tuck his length back into his shell, at least the embarrassment had softened him some.

Raph stepped through the door, sliding it closed behind him. He found Li Jing kneeling down next to his bedroll, finishing turning it down for the evening. Raph had expected Li Jing to already be in his room. The young man looked incredibly tired, but here he was helping Raph get ready for bed. Raph was glad too, he wanted to see him once more before he went to bed.

"I got your bed all set up." Li Jing stated the obvious, wanting to start a conversation.

"Thanks." Raph said as if it was his final thought, but then he continued. "I'm glad you didn't go to bed before I got in here."

"I purposely waited for you. I wanted to tell you goodnight and thanks for the great day. It's been one of the best I can remember." Li Jing backed away from the bedroll, giving Raph room to get comfortable.

Raph lay down in the bedroll, pulling it around him. Not that he needed any more warmth, the blush on his face and the remnants of the hot bath, kept him plenty warm. Li Jing pulled the covers up around Raph. Tucking him in like a mother would do their child. Raph reached up and rested his hand on Li Jing's shoulder. He wanted to say something, but every time he opened his mouth, he just closed it again. Li Jing seemed to understand though. He patted Raph's hand gently and got up from the floor.

"Goodnight, Raph. I'll see you in the morning." Li Jing's voice was quieter in the already quiet room.

"Goodnight Li, you have good dreams." Was all that Raph could bring himself to say.

It wasn't the most ideal thing he wanted to say. When he finally got the courage up to say something else. Li Jing was already into his room, getting ready for bed. Raph watched the silhouette moving around the room as he had every night since he arrived. The young man pulled out his pajamas from his dresser drawer and lay them on the bed.

This night was different, it was as if Li Jing knew Raph was watching him. The way he stripped off his robe. Turning just right, so Raph could make out every contour. Raph could see that Li Jing had other things on his mind. The shadowy member hard, aroused. Li Jing didn't hurry to get dressed either as if he were inviting Raph to join him.

A whisper echoed in the back of Raph's mind, urging him to go. Telling him that this was destiny. Raph had enticed him and the young man was going to reward him with a precious gift. One that Raph would offer in kind. He would be a fool to turn this offer down now. And no doubt about it, Raph was a fool. A self-conscious wave washed over him. No one wants a freak. If you go in there now, he's just gonna laugh at you. No one is ever going to love an asshole like you. Those were the phrases that repeated in his mind.

The moments passed by as Raph helplessly watched. After twenty or so minutes, Li Jing hung his head, before pulling on his tank top and his pants. Then the lights went out, casting Raph into darkness. But the darkness of the room couldn't compare to the darkness in his own mind. Raph cursed himself. Called himself names, like coward, spineless. As he should be doing. He let a wonderful opportunity pass because he was scared. There would be no pleasure. There would be no happiness. Raph would just have to lay there in the dark thinking the ill thoughts that passed through his mind. That was what he deserved.


	6. Chapter 6: Did I Say That?

Chapter Six:

Did I Say That?

Raph felt a warm hand against his cheek. It was soft and pleasant, easing him into consciousness. His green eyes fluttered open staring eye to eye with Li Jing. At first Raph thought that last night had been a dream. That he had gone to the young man's bed. That whatever beautiful thing had unraveled between them remained a precious secret, even to himself. It only took a few second to realize that he was lying on the floor, in his bedroll. No, last night did play out exactly as he dreaded it had.

"Wake up sleeping beauty." Li Jing's minty breath was warm against his face.

"Good morning! I hope I didn't sleep too long." Raph said staying right where he was, enjoying the close quarters.

"It's almost nine, that's not too bad. I have to practice today, I was wondering if you're up for sparring with me for awhile." Li Jing stood up, wearing a pair of training fatigues.

"Hell yeah." Raph said, before he was even sure if his body was ready for that type of exercise.

Raph got up from his bed and winced at the settled feeling in his bones. They hurt, but not enough to stop him from this chance to train with Li Jing. After a quick moment of wrapping his hands and feet. Putting his elbow pads and bandana back on. He was ready to spar.

Li Jing led Raph through the front door of the apartment to the elevator. The doors opened the moment he pushed the button. Raph pursed his lips and begrudgingly followed Li Jing into the elevator. Li Jing pushed the button marked for the roof, and the doors slid closed. A quick lurching caused Raph's empty stomach to churn. Raph didn't bother hiding it in his face either. He hated elevators, he would much rather use the stairs any day.

"You train on the roof?" Raph was surprised by this thought.

"Yeah. It's a great place to go if you want to clear your head. Sometimes when I'm angry or stressed. I come up here to blow off some steam." Li Jing explained.

When the doors opened Raph was assaulted by a cold morning wind blowing harder than either of them had expected. At first Raph thought that Li Jing would change his mind, but was pleasantly surprised by the young man's fortitude as he stepped out onto the cold expanse. The sky was gray and heavy. Threatening snow at any moment.

Raph had been on tons of roofs in the time he'd been allowed to leave the sewers. This one was only slightly different that most. Besides the rows of power converters, and air conditioner units. There was also a huge helicopter landing pad in the center of it all. Li Jing beckoned Raph to follow him to the helicopter pad.

It was freezing cold and Raph was still sore, but there was no way he was going to look like bitch in front of Li Jing now. The rocks crunched under his feet as he moved to stand at the edge of the circle. Raph did a few punches. Stretching his back and legs, before finishing with a roundhouse kick. He felt more spry than he had the day before. Any pain he was feeling was minor, even the ache in his back as lessened. After a few more stretches and some deep breathing exercises. He was ready to go. Li Jing was already waiting for him in the middle of the makeshift ring.

"Best of three?" Raph suggested.

"Sounds good, get ready." Li Jing smiled back, his confidence was overwhelming.

Raph gave a respectful bow and took up a fighting stance. Li Jing bowed back, his eyes narrowing as he took an offensive pose. Raph eyes widened, he hadn't expected Li Jing to be aggressive in this sparring match. Li Jing nodded and flung himself through the air. The kick had force behind it, that Raph hadn't been expecting either. Bringing his arm up in enough time to block, but Li Jing didn't lose momentum. It was as if he predicted his kick to be blocked, because he brought a hard round house punch. Strong enough to send a small shock wave through Raph's other arm. The pain echoed through all the nerve endings. Li Jing wasn't pulling his punches. Which was disconcerting because he had some power behind his attacks.

Raph blocked a couple more hits. One with his other arm, and the last one with his shin. Li Jing's fighting style was different from anything Raph had ever seen. It was a martial art style based solely on offensive prowess. Breaking down an opponents defense until they succumb to the onslaught. Raph was impressed at the young man's tenacity. It was a fighting style Raph could respect.

In his musing, he'd left a slight gap in his defense. The second he realized it, was the second that Li Jing took advantage of it. A solid punch to his side, a gap in his natural armor, left him reeling. Raph dropped his defense to grip his side, willingly taking a knee in defeat, to allow him to recalibrate for the next round.

"Are you alright?" Li Jing asked, his tone thick with concern.

"Yeah, that was a good hit kid." Raph stood back up, shaking off the pain.

"Get ready for round two." Li Jing warned and took his place again, striking a different pose.

Raph couldn't read if it was an aggressive pose or a defensive pose. It could be either or, Li Jing knew how to change it up. Keeping him on his toes. Raph took a neutral stance, the only one he knew in fact. Li Jing nodded and ran at Raph. His steps appeared to be clumsy, but Raph could tell that Li Jing was pacing his attack. Raph counted the steps in his head, mentally setting a trap. Now, Raph's mind called out as he did a ground sweep with his legs. As he predicted, Li Jing jumped into the air to do a knee drop. Raph threw up both of his arms up into a stone wall. The inertia of Li Jing's body caused him to slide back a few inches. Gravel ground underneath their weight.

When he looked at Li Jing, the youth was astounded by the block, leaving him open to attack. Raph moved in, gripping the young man's hand, bending Li Jing's arm back. Li Jing was forced to comply with grapple hold. The young man was light and easily manipulated. Sending him down on his back on the rocks. A smile moving across his lips as he looked up at Raph.

"Damn, that was killer." Li Jing seemed to be enjoying himself.

"Yeah boy! One to one. This is it, the tie breaker." Raph playfully taunted, helping Li Jing to his feet.

"Alright I'm not holding back." Li Jing chided.

Raph nodded. "I would feel unworthy if you did."

The playful glimmer drained from Li Jing's face, becoming straight forward and studious. This must be his game face, Raph thought. He nodded at Li Jing, letting him know he was ready. Li Jing nodded back, before launching himself back into battle. The aggressive tactic again pushed Raph to defend. Li Jing brought a strong punch across his body, Raph slapped it away, but Li Jing flowed with it. Bringing his body around to hammer Raph in the face with an elbow. Raph dropped back a few steps and prepared to defend himself. Li Jing was already closing the distance. Raph took a chance and threw out a precise side kick. But Li Jing compressed his body down, sliding under his leg. Again Raph realized that he'd made a mistake of leaving himself open. Li Jing used all of the strength he had in his legs, to spring his trap. On his way up he wrapped an arm under Raph's leg, the other around the turtles waist. The force pushing them off the ground. For a split second Raph was weightless. When gravity caught up to him, the result was painful. Raph's back hit the rocks hard. The weight of Li Jing falling on top him. It sent a painful shock wave through his body.

Raph was laid out on the rocks of the roof. Li Jing was laying on top of him. Their faces so close together. It was quiet with the exception of the wind blowing around them and the sounds of their soft panting. Raph's green eyes searched the young man's face. The aggression on Li Jing's face was gone. A boyish glow taking it's place. His mouth hanging open slightly. From the reflections in his eyes, Raph could see that he was making the same face.

Raph had lost, but it didn't feel like it. It was a different feeling all together. Usually being beaten so easily would have angered him to no end. But when it was Li Jing who bested him, it felt more like a learning experience, or better described as a chance to be close to him on a more spiritual level. Since he'd been with Li Jing, he'd not felt the rage that haunted him. There was something to that.

"You alright." Li Jing whispered, if they hadn't been so close, his words would have been lost in the wind.

"Never better. This has been the greatest two days of my life." Raph blurted out, he was sure his words sounding more desperate, more creepy than sincere.

Li Jing didn't respond, he just got to his feet and help Raph up. "That was a good match, come on let's get some food."

Raph watched as the young man walked away, wondering if he may have said to much. Wondering what was going on inside Li Jing's head. The thoughts of the night before broke into his mind. The idea that he'd been too cowardly to join Li Jing in bed. Undoubtedly that had left a painful mark on the young man's psyche. A guilty pain pushed it way through his heart as he rushed to catch up with the young man.

After the training session. The day flowed much the same as the day before. Li Jing had made a wonderful breakfast, that they shared. This time in the living room. Li Jing was eager to go back to read the book that they had started. Li Jing revved up by doing a fake 'last time on' to catch Raph up on what had happened in the book yesterday. Raph remember the story vividly, but didn't have the heart to interrupt Li Jing's playful bravado. Instead he watched Li Jing use his exaggerated expressions, making it so his mouth didn't match the words. Watching that beautiful smile play across his boyish face. Raph even clapped when the spectacle was over. Li Jing started back in on the story and Raph was whisked away to ancient Japan, to watch a Samurai battle an Ogre for the affections of a captured maiden.

The hours flew by as Raph was pulled deeper and deeper into the world, hanging on ever word that left Li Jing's lips. When the clock chimed five, Li Jing called a time out so that he could prepare dinner for Raph and his father. Raph sat at the counter so he could watch Jing work on preparing food. Pan seared fish with shallot stalks. Rice balls with soy glaze. Raph was once again left amazed at how well the young man could cook. How professional it appeared when Li Jing laid it out on the decorative plates. Raph made a joke about Li Jing becoming a professional chef, to which he got a sarcastic smirk in return.

When the food was ready and placed on the tray, neat and tidy. Raph and Li Jing retired to their room to eat in peace and finish their story. When it was finished Li Jing closed the book and set it side. The story had beautiful, happy ending. The fair maiden got her Samurai. The Samurai slayed the demon Ogre and rescued the beautiful woman. If only all stories ended that way. Raph ran his fingers along the leather cover of the book. Mesmerized by the feelings that the story had planted in his heart.

"Did you like it?" Li Jing asked, the coy look in his eyes told Raph that the young man already knew the answer.

"Boy did I ever. It was so beautiful." Raph paused for a long moment.

"You know, in a way the book represents you." Li Jing said softly, taking a sip from his juniper tea.

"How so?" Raph leaned back on his hands.

"Well, if you look at the cover. It's worn, old, doesn't look that appealing from the outside." Li Jing didn't worry about picking his words carefully. "But on the inside, is a beautiful, rich story that's just dying to be read and enjoyed."

Raph took a slow deep breath, trying to chock back the knot forming in his throat. "Make me a promise Li."

"I don't do promises Raph, things in life change too fast for that. I would be so afraid I couldn't keep it." Li Jing spoke harshly, true words that stung Raph deep inside.

Granted they were words that needed to be said, but Raph didn't want to hear them. "It's just a little promise. Promise me, that when you come back to New York. You'll read this story to me again."

"I don't know when I'll be back, or even if I'll be back. I can only hope." Li Jing again was being cruel, and Raph knew it was something that he had to do, but it was hard to accept.

"Please...I need you to give me something to believe in. Something that I can hold onto until I see you again." Raph clenched his hands into his fist, trying to fight back his anger.

Li Jing hesitated for a moment, then smiled and took the book in his hand. "This was my mother's favorite book. That's the main reason I read it to you, because it's special. I want you to hold on to this for me. So that one day I have to come back and get it."

"You mean it." Raph took the book, hugged it to his chest, the notion was so moving he almost let his tears go. "Thank you so much, it means a lot to me."

"I wish I could give you more." Li Jing stood up from the floor and ran his fingers along Raph's head to play with the bandana knot on the back of his head.

"No this is wonderful, thank you." Raph reached up to grab Li Jing's hand, but it was gone.

"I have to wake you up early tomorrow, so you can get back to your home before the sun comes up. My dad and I will be leaving shortly after that." Li Jing crossed the room and opened the door.

Raph didn't say anything. He just watched Li Jing open the door, preparing to leave for the night. It was now or never. Raph's heart was pounding an S.O.S into his brain. If this didn't go well, he would die right on the spot.

"Wait." Raph called after him, Li Jing turned on his heels to look back at him.

Raph decided he wasn't going to let another opportunity pass by. The idea that he'd ruined a chance at paradise last night was still fresh in his mind. Haunting his every decision afterward. Now he was faced with that prospect again. The courage was hard to gather. When he thought about the words leaving his lips, he got sick. He trembled like a scared kitten. That was when he reminded himself, that being without Li Jing on the final night the young man was going to be in New York, was a far scarier prospect, then speaking from his heart. What was he going to say though? Something romantic would be good. Just be sexy, just be appealing. And whatever you do, don't be a douche. Raph told himself, the words bouncing around his melon.

Raph patted the bed next to him. "Wanna sleep in here tonight?" Using his most soulful eyes he could to entice Li Jing to join him.

"Raph, I can't. I..." Li Jing cleared his throat and straightened up. "I just can't."

Raph sighed and looked down at the book in his arms. "Li, I...I gotta be honest with you. I don't know how to take this. I mean, did I imagine last night? Do you find me attractive? Do we have something, or am I just barking up the wrong tree? I really need to know before I continue making an ass out of myself."

Li Jing recoiled from Raph's tone. "It's not like that, It's complicated..."

"So uncomplicate it for me. I'm dying here. This is the first time I've ever put myself out there like this. I think..." Raph tried explaining, but Li Jing interrupted.

"Don't finish that thought. I...I..." Li Jing pursed his lips and left the room, sliding the door closed behind him, cutting off the link between them.

"Forget you, Li." Raph grumbled laying down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.

You deserve this. You had your chance last night. He's just returning the cruel favor. A voice called from the back of his mind. He knew the words were true, even if he didn't like hearing them. He was going to have to live with them. This was the last night he was going to spend with Li Jing, and he completely blew it. Raph took a deep breath and clutched his hand over his eyes. There was warmth there, a wetness. Was he crying? Did it matter? No, if he was crying, it was his own fault.


	7. Chapter 7: Love Hurts

Chapter Seven:

Love Hurts

Sleep hadn't come to Raph, instead he just lay there looking up at the ceiling, fuming. The words echoing in his heavy head. Not only Li Jing words, but his own as well. Chastising and harsh, the words slowly picked apart whatever confidence he had in this whirlwind romance that he wanted so badly. The images of Splinter and his brothers teasing him about being gay. About being a rejected loser. The emotional punishing had gotten so bad at one point that Raph had to keep himself from calling out, stop.

There was something else that played across his mind. The lights in Li Jing's bedroom hadn't come on, not once since they last spoke three hours ago. Wherever he was, Raph was starting to get worried. It was a selfish thing, he'd done. Springing such a heavy request on Li Jing the last night he was going to be in New York. The last night they were going to be together. That thought stuck in his head, adding guilt to the already copious pile of hurt feeling swimming around inside of him.

Raph hadn't wanted it to be this way. He wanted to spend every last minute with Li Jing. Instead he lay in his bedroll, letting his hurt feelings fester that could be dispersed by just holding Li Jing in his arms. They didn't even need to talk to one another. Just to feel the young man's body against him.

"There is still time." Raph said, his voice was loud in the room. "You gotta fix this, you idiot."

Raph got up from the bedroll on the floor. The aches and pains from his training earlier, slowed his progress at first. The more steps he took, the more his muscles relaxed. Which he was thankful for. He had to work fast to find Li Jing.

The first place Raph checked was Li Jing's bedroom. As he had suspected, Li Jing wasn't in there and from the look of the neatly folded pajamas at the foot of the untouched bed, he hadn't been in their all night. Raph stepped out into the dark hallway. The door to the bathing room was wide open. It was dark inside. Even the room with the toilet was empty. A quick search revealed that the whole apartment was dark and empty. Had Li Jing and his father left already? Now that he thought of it, he hadn't heard a peep from anyone for the last couple hours. Raph was running out of option. Maybe Li Jing was on the roof. He said he like to go up there when he wanted to blowing off some steam. Or maybe he was down in the garage with his father, getting it loaded up for the trip to the airport in the morning. All he knew was if they had left already, then he missed his chance.

Before Raph left the apartment, he went back to his room to gather his stuff. His sais were under Li Jing's bed as he had said they would be. Then he gathered the book, a gift that Li Jing had given him, from beside his bedroom. Even with time running out, he still had a brief moment to look at the worn leather cover. The precious gift that Li Jing promised to come back and get. But would he really come back now that Raph had acted so terrible towards him. Raph didn't want to think about that last part. When he left the apartment for the elevator, he just hoped that Li Jing was still in the building.

"Come on, please. Let my luck be good, just this once." Raph sighed, the doors closing him into the confines of the elevator.

When the door opened onto the roof, there was nothing to greet him. The only light was coming from the red beckons surrounding the helicopter landing pad. Cold wind whipping harshly against his skin, filling the elevator compartment. Raph swallowed hard. Even though there was still one more place he had to check. The thought that Li Jing was gone, had already set in. Whatever feeling of happiness left in him, was fading fast. Raph took a deep breath and pushed the button for the garage.

An image of Li Jing, in the garage with his father, played across his mind. What he actually saw when the elevator doors opened, was even more puzzling. There were large stacks of boxes laying around the large empty garage. The sounds of mumbling and shifting of boxes echoed off of the brick walls. The dim florescent lights overhead cast a pale glow over everything. Raph was having a difficult time getting a good look at what was going on. What the hell was going on?

When Raph approached a pile of boxes, there were several red Hanzi printed on the side of each box. Underneath each of them was written 'To: Hong Kong' in black. Raph's first thought was that Li Jing's family had packed, permanently moving back to China. His heart fluttered, the need to fix this was more dire then before. He still had time to to make things right.

Raph ran out from behind the stack of boxes and came to a sliding stop at the back of one of the trucks. He gave the large room another once over. Raph was surrounded by shadowy figures dressed in brown ninja attire. Just like the ones from the other night. But now that they were in some semblance of light, he got a better look at them. The gold trimmed markings on their clothes mimicked the Hanzi that were printed on the sides of the trucks and the boxes. They must have followed Li Jing's dad back to this point and were stealing from home as retaliation for getting involved. Raph had lost count at twenty of them as they started moving in on his position. Some of them continued to work on loading the van, while the others moved in to attack.

Raph drew his sais and struck a stance. "I'm not going to let you rob my friends."

Several of the ninjas that were moving in on him, paused and exchanged looks at one another. With their faces covered. It was impossible to convey what they were thinking. Some of them cringed in response, others just shrugged, and started moving in. There was no way Raph was going to be able to win this, but he couldn't just stand by and let these ninjas rob Li Jing.

The first wave came in three, like a cliched martial arts movie. They were small, light, and agile, almost faster than Raph could handle in his still injured state. The first one reached him. His fighting style sloppy, but strong. Raph blocked and rolled under his arms. A good solid kick to the back of the ninja's legs, sent him to his knees. Raph threw an elbow back to block a punch from one of the other contenders. The he followed through with a solid punch the first one's face. His nose crunched easy under the force of the punch.

Raph turned his attention back to the other attacker, who was nursing his injured hand. He grabbed him around the neck and pulled him hard into a rising knee. Raph could hear the sound of the air leaving the ninja, the force of hit sending him down and out. The third attacker, blindsided Raph with a solid punch to his chin. Raph staggered a step, before following through with a stomping front kick. The kick sent it's target flying through the air, into a stack of boxes that crumbled around him. Raph reached up and touched a warm spot on his lip. It was swollen from where he'd bit it during the punch.

"Is this all you got? You bitches were lucky I was so sleepy last time. Let's see what you can do against me while I'm wide awake." Raph snicked, readying himself for another wave.

Three more joined the fray. This time their attacks were more choreographed. Raph blocked a hit, only to take another. He rolled to avoid one kick, only to run into another. There was no way he was going to be able to defend against this wave of attacks. He needed to be more offensive.

Raph lunged forward wrapping his arm around one of the ninja's necks, using him as a shield. Taking the opening as they came. A rib shot to one, a knee stomp to the other. Raph did a quick round house punch, using the sai in his hand as a hammer to punch the ninja down. With every ounce of strength he had, he threw his human shield at the other attacker, following it up with a heavy roundhouse kick. Sending the two sprawling out on the floor together.

"You two make a cute couple. Remember to bring protection." Raph cackled, his smile fading when he turned around to see the remainder of the ninjas gathered around him.

"One, two, three..." Raph counted quietly to himself, using the tip of his sai to point at each one. "Thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen. Not too shabby, you should have brought more though."

A demonic smile crept across his lips, his pupils dilating. The ninjas didn't wait to attack one at a time, or three at a time. It was all at once. The onslaught became a blur of punches, kicks, even headbutts. Raph covered his face and crouched down into the mass, trying to move his way through the group. It was no good, all he got for his effort was a few stomps and side kicks, glancing blows mostly. Using all the strength in his legs and pushed away from the ground. In his mind he pictured them all flying off of him, like some martial art movie. In truth it only shook off a few of them, but they were quickly replaced by others waiting to join the fight. He squirmed and fought, but couldn't catch his breath. With all the bodies around him the air was growing and stale.

Raph vision was already swirling from lack of oxygen. He fought against the torrent of hands and feet pummeling him. Panic was setting in when he couldn't swim free. Then came a heavy hit to the back of his head. His vision going black for a second. Raph was down, curling into a fetal position. Then he was weightless again. Cold air came rushing in around him, prickling his hot skin. He tried to swallow a gulp of fresh air, but nothing happened. There was an impossibly large hand around his neck, choking out what life he had left in him.

Holding him by his neck was a man of very large stature, much like a bear. At first Raph thought that he might be a mutant bear, but the smooth skin on the large biceps told him otherwise. Raph was suspended off the ground by at least four feet. One almond shape eye glared through the gap in his face wrap, burning into his soul. The other eye covered by a decorative patch. That was all he could take in before Raph's vision started going black.

There was one last thing he could do. Raph kicked both legs out hard, hitting the giant man under the chin. The man fell back a few steps, but didn't let go. Instead unimaginable strength and force, he hammered Raph into the wall of truck several times. Then in a full rush Raph was air born, the hand was still tight around his neck. When he came down, it was hard on the hood of a car. The metal folding around his weight and the force. For a moment he thought he heard his shell crack, but could tell over the pounding of his heart.

A voice cried from the gathered crowd. A small ninja forced his way through, running up to the giant man who was still strangling Raph. The small hand worked to pry the giant hand free. It has worked, impossible Raph tried to reason with what brain function he could still muster. The little ninja pulled Raph from the hood of the car onto the pavement. Raph was relieved that he could breath again, and the the pavement was cool against his hot skin.

The large man's deep voice rolled from behind the mask. His words were unknown to Raph. Sounding more like gibberish, a made up dialect. The little ninja responded, his tone was familiar. Raph could feel the little ninja wrap his arms tightly around Raph's shoulders. What was he doing? Raph wondered vaguely. When the little ninja rose one of his sais, it became obvious. The little ninja was protecting him.

All Raph knew now was his head and body were hurting, and the ringing in his ears was annoying. The dry scratchy feeling in his throat didn't help matters any. Then there was a blade of light across him. All the ninja turned towards it and started scrambling. Familiar voices echoed in the large room, echoed in Raph's head. Another turtle passed over him, twin katanas slicing through the air. Then another turtle bounding from the top of the car that Raph had been smashed on. This turtle was screaming and swinging around a bladed chain. Then he was gone, off to battle no doubt. Lastly another appeared. This one was staring down at him. Reddish brown eyes peering through a purple bandanna, a small gap in his teeth. Donnie, Raph thought, watching as his brother grabbed the little ninja trying to pull him away.

"Leave him!" Raph said, or had tried to say, either way Donnie must have heard him because he went off to fight.

"You're going to be okay Raph." The little ninja said, the voice was definitely familiar.

Raph reached up and pulled the hood from over the little ninja's head. Sleep black hair fell down over his face. Li Jing stared down at him, his eyes cold and in control of his emotions. Raph however was not. There was a pain deep inside his chest. His mind snapped back from it leisure swim through the pain that pulsed through his body.

"You...lied to me!" Raph croaked out, a hand touching his throat.

"I'm sorry, I tried to keep you safe. I tried to keep you from knowing." Li Jing let go of Raph, the clatter of a sai against the pavement preceded him scooting away, there was fear in his eyes.

Afraid! As he should be Raph thought, fighting to get to his feet. "Shut up! You lied...to me...how could you? I...I trusted you."

The words were falling from his lips in a voice he couldn't even recognize as his own. They dripped with the acid manifested from his hatred. Li Jing got to his feet and backed away. Raph was up now following at a slow step. Weakly he clutched his right arm to his stomach. Broken, maybe. It didn't matter, he would still use it to break Li Jing neck. Break him for making Raph love him. Destroy him for making Raph believe that they could be together. End him for making Raph believe that there was a happy ending for the freak show that he was.

A large arm wrapped around Li Jing's waist, pulling him away before Raph could reach him. The hulking ninja was retreating to the back of one of the trucks as it pulling away at a slow pace. Raph pushed himself to move faster. He couldn't let Li Jing escape.

"I...I loved you!" Raph cried, his hot tears rolling down his face, joining the river of blood that came from the wound on his forehead.

"We...were, suppose to be together." Raph words were coming as a crazy rants, each faltering step he took threatened to throw him onto the floor.

Then like a lightening bolt through his heart. Li Jing's tear filled eyes met his. "Please don't leave me." Raph cried, his voice ear piercingly loud.

Then there was a warm hand across his lips, a strong arm wrapped around him, warm breath at his ear. "Shh, don't say another word. I've got you now."

It was Leo. Leo had him, holding him close, he was protecting him from looking like a desperate fool. The hand across Raph's lips, protecting him from losing any more face in front of his brother, than he already had. Raph sniffled hard, pulling away from Leo's hand that was across his mouth. Only to bury his face into Leo's neck instead. Leo wrapped his other arm around Raph, comforting him in this time of need. No doubt Leo had heard the confessions, judging by Leo's quick reaction the other's hadn't heard yet. Good 'ol Leonardo, he's always there for me. Raph thought. It hurt to think. Raph's head was growing heavy. His vision went swimming again, leaving behind a big 'Gone Fishing' sign.

With the truck gone and the ninja's down, Leo picked up his sword and sheathed it. "Alright team, we gotta get Raph back home. He needs some first aid."

"I need that!" Raph said, his voice nothing more then a mumble.

"I know buddy, we'll get you taken care of." Leo whispered against the side of Raph's head.

"No, I need that." He chocked out louder this time.

Raph couldn't be sure if his voice was wrecked from the tears, or the strangulation. All he knew was it hurt to talk, but this was important enough to endure the pain. He pushed against Leo trying to get him to take notice of what he was trying to point to.

"What is it?" Leo grunted and turned.

On the ground was a book. Not just any book, but the gift Li Jing had given him. Raph pointed down at it, but didn't dare speak again. Leo knew better than to ask. Obviously the book was important to Raph, that was good enough for him. Leo flipped his head, directing Donnie to pick it up. Once it was safely in his brother's hands. Raph could rest easy. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Li Jing looking back at him.


	8. Chapter 8: A Kiss is a Terrible Thing

Chapter Eight:

A Kiss is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Splinter was waiting for them in the common room, when they came into the lair. A look of concern was pasted on his face. Shame and embarrassment washed through Raph, when he looked up at his Sensei. How could he have let his ninja training slip, allowing Li Jing the opportunity to deceive him. The thought of it, burned hotter than any rage he had ever felt. Is this what it's like to have a broken heart? Raph wondered. The mere thought of his name cause a wave of heat to wash over him. He was glad that Li Jing wasn't there. He didn't want to be held responsible for what he might do to the young traitor.

"Raphael, what happened? Explain yourself." Splinter's tone was harsh, the tone of a father who had been worried about his child, but struggled with expressing himself.

Raph opened his mouth, but Leo stepped in front of him, resting his hand on Raph's shoulder. "Sensei, with all due respect. Raph has been through a lot and need a moment to process everything that's happened. I will explain everything."

There was a long pause, but Splinter nodded. "Raphael, go to your room and meditate on this. Leonardo meet me in the dojo."

Leo looked sympathetically at Raph and nodded. Raph knew that Leo was aware of what had happened. Leo had heard the words directly from his own lips. Raph tightened his grip around the book, pulling it tighter to his chest, watching as Leo followed Splinter to the dojo. Once they were gone from his sight, he limped off towards his room. Raph closed the door behind him and lurched for his bed. Barely made it too, before he started crying. Working hard to keep the sobs quiet, so his brother's didn't hear. The pressure from his hushed sobs made it feel like his head was going to explode.

When the last of his energy was spent, crying. He flopped out on his bed, the book resting on his chest. In a way it was nice to be home, but at the same time it didn't feel like home anymore. Everything was different, even the smells. All he wanted to do was go back to that apartment in the sky. Pretend that Li Jing wasn't a thief, a liar, or a traitor. Go back to when they talked and spent time together. Raph just wanted him back more than anything.

The door opened, causing him to push himself up onto his elbows. They hurt, but Raph just shook it off. Leo came in carrying a small tray of first aid supplies. The sounds of Donnie and Mikey following closely behind. Raph didn't hide his contempt for this intrusions. Leo nodded in understanding. Turning to whisper something out the door, before stepping in to the room, closing the door behind him. Raph winced and pushed himself to a sitting position. He buried his face in his hands, hiding his runny nose and bloodshot eyes away. He didn't want Leonardo to know that he'd been crying. Raph had cemented the idea in his brother's long ago, that he never cried.

"I want to be left alone." Raph said, his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions.

Leo didn't say anything, he just sat down next to Raph on the bed. He pulled a chair closer to him so he could rest the tray on it. Raph repeated himself again, but didn't look up. And again Leo didn't say anything. Raph knew he trying to keep a calm air in the room, like he always did. He knew Leo was only trying to help, but he still didn't want to deal with him right now.

"Sensei told me to get you cleaned and bandaged, before you fell asleep." Leo's voice was calm and collected, Raph hated him for it.

"I don't want it, alright. I just want to be left alone." Raph snapped, the tears coming again.

Leo didn't say anything, his lips pulled tight against his teeth. Leo took his brother's injured hand and started dabbing alcohol along the knuckles. Cleaning the blood away. Disinfected the cuts on his brother's knuckles. Raph started crying harder. It wasn't because the sting of the alcohol, but because he just realized that he didn't want to be alone, despite what he said. Leo knew he needed someone right now, but Raph was too proud to ask for it. Leo was just doing what a big brother does at times like this.

They stayed quiet for a long time. Leo systematically cleaned each and ever wound all over his Raph's body, bandaging them as he went. Raph closed his eyes and listened to the sound of his brother's breathing, keeping him calm. Periodically an image of Li Jing would pop into his head and another bout of tears would come on. Leo was kind enough not to say anything about it. He would just dab Raph's eyes and continue working. When there were no more tears left and he was fully bandaged up, he took a swig of water. It felt good coursing down his scratchy throat.

"Thank you for what you did earlier. Keeping me from saying something really stupid in front of Donnie and Mikey." The words left his lips, quiet and heavy.

Leo looked at Raph from the corner of his eyes, gratitude was in short supply when it came to Raph. "Don't mention it. I know you were hurting and I just wanted to help."

"You did help." Raph looked down at his banged up hands.

"Li Jing huh? Did you want to talk about it?" Leo tossed all the bloody swabs into a plastic bag.

"Not really." Raph said, his voice trembling once again.

"He was special to you huh?" Leo pushed the issue, his voice staying calm.

"Yeah. I thought I was in love with him." Raph blurted out, the words sounding foreign to even him.

"You were in love with him, Raph. I can tell." Leo reached up and rested his hand against the back of Raph's neck.

Raph winced at the feeling of his brother's warm hand. "How the hell do you know?"

"Because it wouldn't have hurt so badly when he revealed his true nature to you." Leo breathed out slowly, the words sinking in into Raph's brain.

"I just...can't believe he was able to dupe me so easily." Raph gritted his teeth, the rage returning to his voice. Leo stayed quiet, just petting the back of his brother's head. "I put myself out there Leo. He had me so...fucking vulnerable and I let him do it. He's probably laughing at me right now."

"Or..." Leo leaned close. "He's just doing what his father told him to do."

"What do you mean?" Raph looked disgusted.

"I saw the look in his eyes, when the truck pulled away. He was hurting too. I don't know for sure, but I could see it in his eyes." Leo took Raph's hand and held it comfortingly, Raph didn't care if Leo could feel him trembling.

"You think...no, that bullshit." Raph spit back, trying to pull his hand away, but Leo held tightly.

"I think he spend a lot of time going along with what his dad tell him. Now he doesn't know what else to do." Leo couldn't know for sure, but maybe he was trying to make him feel better, Raph thought.

"It doesn't matter now anyway, he's gone." Raph took a deep breath, his ribs ached.

"Well, just focus on the good things you two shared. Maybe he'll return one day and you'll have your chance to find out what was really going on." Leo ran his fingers slowly along Raph's palm.

"Or I could just kill him." Raph grumbled.

"No, don't do that. I think that might make you feel worse." Leo chuckled, giving his brother a nudge.

Raph thought about everything that happened between he and Li Jing. The things that Leo was talking about, were starting to sound more and more accurate. Maybe he was just followed his father's orders. After all he did save him from being beat to death in the garage. Then there had been other moments. The more intimate moments.

"You're thinking about him right now huh?" Leo leaned back on his hands, looking in Raph's direction.

"I think you're right about him, Leo. He offered me a chance to...well...be with him. And like an idiot I didn't do it. But the thought that he wanted to, makes me feel better." A lazy smile made it's way to his lips.

"That's ah...uh great Raph." Leo cleared his throat, a pink tint moved along his cheeks.

"I think one of the things that bums me out the most about it, is I didn't get my first kiss. I was so sure this was going to be it, but I wussed out." Raph threw himself back on the bed, ignoring the aches and pains. "I bet you can't wait to tell the guys about all of this crap."

"Nah, I understand. A kiss is a terrible thing to waste." Leo looked down at his brother, who was rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands.

"If I had it to do over again, I swear I would." Raph sighed out heavily.

Leo smirked affectionately, before leaning over his brother. There lips touched in a clumsy peck. Raph was startled at first, but the feeling of warm lips upon his caused him to relax into the kiss. Parting his lips slightly. Leo followed his brother lead. Parting his lips, but not letting it go further than that. The kiss was soft, warm, and passionate. Even Raph had to admit that it was a good first kiss. Leo was the first to pull away, his cheeks baring a deeper crimson undertone that mirrored Raph's.

"There, we're even now. I won't tell anyone about your thing. If you don't tell anyone that we made out." Leo whispered, getting up from the bed.

Raph sat up and looked at his older brother. He didn't say anything. He just touched his lips, feeling the wet remnants of Leo's lips. Leo bent down to pick up the tray of first aid supplies and pushed the chair back into it's place. Raph kept watching his brother in a mix of befuddlement and enticement.

Leo reached for the door knob, before turning to look at Raph. "If you're wondering, that was my first kiss too."

With that, Leo left the room closing the door behind him. Raph still sat their touching his lips in astonishment. Leo always worked hard to go above and beyond, this time was no different. Even though they were brothers and had shared such a tender moment. Raph didn't look at it as strange, he saw it as a beautiful gesture of respect and admiration. Leo had managed to give one thing to Raph, that he needed the most. A break from thinking about Li Jing. A moment to reset his mind. Raph sighed deeply and lay back on his bed, his hand resting against the cool leather of book next to him. Li Jing's voice echoed through his head.

_"You know, in a way the book represents you." Li Jing said softly, taking a sip from his juniper tea._

_ "How so?" Raph leaned back on his hands._

_ "Well, if you look at the cover. It's worn, old, doesn't look that appealing from the outside." Li Jing didn't worry about picking his words carefully. "But on the inside, is a beautiful, rich story that's just dying to be read and enjoyed."_

Raph took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Someday Li, I'll see you again."


End file.
